Skip to content
  • Home
  • Essentials
        • ESSENTIALS
        • Goals and Budgeting
          • Overview
          • Organizing Your Financial Life
          • Budgeting
          • Your Personal Net Worth
          • Setting Goals
          • Financial Planning
          • Planning Your Charitable Giving
          • 30-Day Financial Cleanse
        • Credit and Debit
          • Overview
          • Good Debt versus Bad Debt
          • How Credit Can Help—and Hurt
          • Understanding Your Credit Score
          • Preventing Identity Theft
          • Paying Off Student Debt
        • Estate Planning
          • Overview
          • Estate Plan Basics
          • Creating an Estate Plan
        • Types of Accounts
          • Overview
          • Choosing the Right Accounts
          • Individual Retirement Accounts
          • Employer Sponsored Retirement Accounts
          • Small Business Retirement Accounts
          • College Savings Accounts
          • Custodial Accounts
          • Understanding FDIC and SIPC Insurance
        • Saving
          • Overview
          • Why You Should Save and How Much
          • Making the Most of Your Paycheck
          • Saving for an Emergency
          • Eight Savings Fundamentals
        • Investing
          • Overview
          • Getting Started with Investing
          • Stocks, Bonds, and Cash
          • Fractional Shares
          • Socially Responsible Investing
          • Understanding Mutual Funds and ETFs
          • Creating an Investment Plan
          • Finding the Right Asset Allocation
          • The Advantages of Diversification
          • Benefits of Compound Growth
          • Tax-Smart Investing
          • The Importance of Monitoring and Rebalancing
        • Taxes
          • Overview
          • Income Taxes
          • Income Taxes for Children
          • Calculate Taxes
          • Payroll Taxes
        • Insurance
          • Overview
          • Insurance You Need
          • Individual Health Insurance
          • Group Health Insurance
          • Understanding Medicare
          • Disability Insurance
          • Life Insurance
          • Long-Term Care Insurance
          • Auto Insurance
  • My Life
        • MY LIFE
        • STARTING OUT
        • BUYING A CAR
        • MILITARY COMMUNITY
        • Buying a Home
          • Overview
          • Buy or Rent?
          • How Much House Can You Afford?
          • Mortgage Basics
          • Beyond Mortgage Costs
        • Jobs
          • Overview
          • Changing Jobs
          • What to Do If You Lose Your Job
          • Managing Your Finances as You Change Jobs
          • Protecting Your 401(k)
        • Getting Married
          • Overview
          • Planning and Paying for a Wedding
          • Marrying Your Finances
          • Prenups: Do You Need One?
        • Starting a Family
          • Overview
          • Budgeting for a Child
          • Insurance and Estate Planning Needs
          • Planning for a Child's Education
        • Divorce
          • Overview
          • Preparing Your Finances for Divorce
          • Protecting Yourself During a Divorce
          • Managing Money After a Divorce
        • Helping Aging Parents
          • Overview
          • Talking Money with Aging Parents
          • Insurance Needs
          • Managing Income and Investments
          • Knowing Their Wishes
          • Social Services
        • Losing a Loved One
          • Overview
          • Handling Finances After Loss
          • Special Guidelines for Loss of a Spouse
        • Retirement
          • Overview
          • Starting Retirement
          • Nearing Retirement
          • Enjoying Retirement
  • Ask Carrie
        • ASK CARRIE
        • Planning & Goals
        • Investing Basics
        • Insurance
        • Education Savings
        • Couples & Families
        • Kids & Teens
        • Estate
        • Retirement
        • Major Purchases
        • Banking, Credit & Debt
        • Budgeting & Saving
        • Taxes
        • About Carrie
  • Teaching Kids
        • TEACHING KIDS
        • Basics
          • Overview
          • Rules of the Road at Every Age
          • Budgeting
        • Saving
          • Overview
          • Starting the Savings Habit
          • Motivating Your Kids to Save
          • Tips for Parents with Kids and Teens
        • Investing
          • Overview
          • Introducing Kids to Investing
          • Important Investing Concepts
          • Benefits of Early Investing
          • Investment Accounts for Kids
        • Giving Back
        • Life Lessons
          • Overview
          • Tips for Financial Success
          • Managing an Allowance
          • Help Teens use Credit Wisely
        • Buying a Car
          • Overview
          • Your Teen's First Car
          • Assessing Your Teens Needs and Budget
          • Cash or Financing?
          • Auto Insurance
        • First Job
          • Overview
          • Your Teen's First Job
          • Income Tax Basics
          • Payroll Tax Basics
          • Getting Serious About Saving
        • Going to College
          • Overview
          • Costs Beyond Tuition
          • Life Away from Home
        • Leaving the Nest
          • Overview
          • A Checklist for Leaving Home
        • Activities and Resources
          • Overview
          • Overview
        • Categories
          • Overview
          • Classroom Curriculum
          • Personal Finance Activities
          • Financial Literacy Programs
        • Age Groups
          • Overview
          • Elementary School
          • Middle School
          • High School
  • Tools & Resources
        • TOOLS AND RESOURCES
        • Worksheets
        • Calculators
          • Overview
          • Savings Calculator
          • Credit Card Payoff Calculator
          • Cost of Debt Calculator
          • College Savings Calculator
          • Rent versus Buy Calculator
          • Mortgage Affordability Calculator
          • Retirement Calculator
        • Spending Tracker
        • Monthly Budget Planner
        • Financial Fitness Quiz
        • Documents and Forms
          • Overview
          • Form W-4
          • Form W-2
          • Form 1099
        • Research
          • Overview
          • Studies and Findings
          • Ariel-Schwab Black Investor Survey (2022)
          • Ariel-Schwab Black Investor Survey (2020)
          • Charles Schwab Financial Literacy Survey
          • Young Adult Financial Literacy Survey
          • Older Workers and Money Survey
        • Financial Glossary
        • Financial Help for Hard Times
  • Foundation
      • FOUNDATION
      • Moneywise America
Search
Personal Finance | May 4, 2022

Can You Tactfully Give Mom—or Dad—Financial Help?

By Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz

Dear Carrie,

My mom brought us up in a home filled with love but not a lot of money. Now that I'm in my 30s and she's retired, I want to be able to help her out financially but in a way that also protects her sense of pride and independence. What do you recommend?

—A Reader

Dear Reader,

As I've said many times, I'm all in favor of one generation helping another. That's usually interpreted to mean parents or grandparents helping the kids. But as people are living longer and experiencing longer retirements—with the corresponding drain on their nest eggs—I think it's wonderful when kids can turn the tables and help their parents. It especially makes sense if it's not a huge strain on the kids' finances.

So it sounds like your mother is one lucky woman. Not only because you have the desire and means to help her, but also because you're sensitive to her feelings. And I think there are a number of meaningful ways to help her without making her feel uncomfortable.

Share your financial know-how

You might open the door by talking to your mom about your own finances, what you're learning and how you're managing. Talk to her about budgeting, saving, and how you make choices in your own financial life. That will give her the confidence that you're doing okay.

The next logical step is to talk about her finances. What are her income sources? Does she have enough to cover her essential expenses such as housing, food and medical bills? What trade-offs does she have to make? By looking at her budget with her, perhaps you'll see places where she can make different choices so she doesn't have to skimp in one area or another.

Helping her manage her money better will give your mother a greater sense of independence. At the same time, by reviewing all this with her, you'll be better able to see the areas where she might need a little extra help.

Pinpoint one area where you're particularly interested in helping out

If your mom is living on a tight budget, she may be denying herself something that you feel is essential to her well-being and safety. For instance, does she have adequate insurance coverage? What about a cell phone or internet connection? You could offer to pay for something practical like regular housecleaning or service on her car. Or maybe she'd really benefit from having a gym membership, but it would seem like an extravagance to her.

Focus on something you think would improve the quality of your mother's life and tell her you'd really like to cover it for her; that rather than being a burden, it would make you feel good to do it. For instance, a friend of mine whose 85-year-old mother lives alone picked up the tab for a medical alert system. She phrased it as being as much for her own peace of mind as for her mother's.

Pay for a special treat for the two of you

In the same spirit, you could take your mom out to dinner on a regular basis, or perhaps plan and pay for a spa day or even a vacation together. By giving her a bit of luxury, you'll spare her having to budget for it. At the same time, you'll be showing her that it's not just about money, but also about spending quality time with her.

Show continued interest in helping her stay on top of her finances

Your interest in helping your mother is a valuable gift in itself. Especially if it's not a one-time event. As your mom gets more comfortable with having you involved in her financial life, make an effort to stay involved.

Keep discussing your mutual finances, the transitions you each have to make at different times in your lives, and the continual choices that are necessary. And don't shy away from the difficult topics such as estate planning. For instance, make sure she at least has a basic will, durable power of attorney reference for financial matters and an advance healthcare directive.

Having brought you up in a house full of love, rather than being put off, your mom will recognize that your concerns for her financial security come out of love. That should give her a real sense of pride.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

Have a personal finance question? Email us at askcarrie@schwab.com. Carrie cannot respond to questions directly, but your topic may be considered for a future article. For Schwab account questions and general inquiries, contact Schwab.


  • About the Foundation
    • Foundation
    • Moneywise America
  • Ask Carrie
    • Ask Carrie
    • Planning & Goals
    • Investing Basics
    • Insurance
    • Education Savings
    • Couples and Families
    • Kids and Teens
    • Estate
    • Retirement
    • Major Purchases
    • Banking, Credit & Debt
    • Budgeting & Saving
    • Taxes
    • About Carrie
  • Essentials
  • My Life
  • Teaching Kids
  • Tools and Resources

The information on this website is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for specific individualized tax, legal, or investment planning advice. Where specific advice is necessary or appropriate, consult with a qualified tax advisor, CPA, financial planner, or investment manager.

The Charles Schwab Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, private foundation that is not part of Charles Schwab & Co., Inc. or its parent company, The Charles Schwab Corporation.

© 2022 Charles Schwab & Co., Inc. ("Schwab"). All rights reserved. Member SIPC.

(0820-0RM3)